Showing posts with label nyc. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nyc. Show all posts

Friday, May 21, 2010

The Unkosher Guide to Subway Survival


There's nothing I love better than not having to pay car insurance, deal with mechanical failures or release pent up road rage by instead allowing public transportation to do the brunt work for me. However, the daily commute let's loose a whole new kind of rage that could drive some to the brink of bodily harm.

Thus, I'd like to share some coping guidelines that I've learned (or am trying to anyhow) on surviving the New York subway experience:

Walk swiftly, and don't stop in the middle of the walking paths on the platform, looking like a lost orphan. People, ie me, have places to go, faster than it takes you to figure out that you're on the wrong platform or to look at your shoes forlornly. If you don't move, then there will be nothing to hold against me when I accidentally push you off the platform. Which brings me to my next point....

Stay Away From the Edge of the Platform. Seriously, it makes me nervous.

Especially if you have kids. Why, as a parent, you are allowing your kids to venture any more than 1 foot in front of you in either direction, let alone screw around near the edge of the tracks is beyond me. And I'm no mother.

What To Do If You Fall on the Tracks. You won't, because I just told you to stay away from the edge. And if you went down there to get something you dropped, you're an idiot.

Subway Etiquette
Regardless of chivalry, good manners and all the other morals that humans should uphold, the subway-riding experience is more akin to the cutthroat ravages of the wild. Eat or be eaten. Kill or be killed. There is a delicate balance that must be found between the human and animals instincts within us.

Sitting. I don't care how much you've convinced your delusional mind on the size of your "package;" if you're sitting in a seat with other passengers, your legs should be reasonably equidistant from one another, not spread out like you're ready to hump the poor person who is forced to stand directly between them. If this person refuses to accept the fact that his dick can't possibly need that much breathing room, then even a female passenger seating beside him has the right to obnoxiously take up more leg space than needed until they close that shit up.

Eating. I've done it a few times myself, so I won't go so far as to condone eating on the subway; however if you must, please mind what your mother taught you. Don't eat with your mouth open (that's gross anywhere, at anytime). Also, anything that requires a utensil or sloppy enough to require a bib is absolutely NOT cool. It already reeks of BO and urine; do you really need to eat right now?

Loud Music. When dealing with a passenger who's trance/hip hop/death metal/Whitney Houston music volume is blaring through their headphones, I encourage the use of pre-made signs as an initial polite request:


If this method fails, feel free to use the following retorts:


If you'd rather not spend the time making communicative signs, there is always the possibility of beginning to dance in an obnoxiously spastic way, relative to the passenger's music of choice. If they are not dense, they will soon understand that you are making fun of their shitty music, to the delight of all other passengers.

Violence/Harrassment. If this is happening to others, don't be a hero unless someone is in serious danger and you have the balls. If the violence/harrassment is happening to you, verbally or physically, you MUST have the balls.

I won't speak for everyone, but I know that personally, if anyone utters any disrespect or purposely lays an extremity or other unwanted substance on me, there will be hell to pay. Subways are shitty places to begin with, and I can bet that at any point in the day I am not in the mood to deal with assholes. I will not hesitate to react. I'm not sure how, but let's just say I'm most likely taller than you, equipped with nails, and have at least 25 years of pent up rage waiting to be unleashed. Try me. I dare you.

Musical Subway Chairs
You deserve to sit down on your long journey. Why?
Because you've done a shit load of walking.
Because you're pregnant.
Because you didn't have time to do your make-up.
Because you're old and feeble, or have a lame leg.
Because you worked until almost midnight and need to catch some sleep before you go back to doing it all over again.
Because it's a free fucking country.

There is most certainly an art to finding a seat on a crowded subway. This often becomes a meditative study on human behavior, where one must "hide in the bushes" - metaphorically speaking - acutely observing any possibility of flight, in order to pounce at the most opportune moment.

Here are a few key observations to make whilst scoping out the next possible open seat:

Sleeping Passengers. Granted there is a BIG difference between fully conked out/drooling on oneself to simply closing one's eyes. Most likely, a person won't be getting off at the nearest stop if they aren't alert and awake. But then again, I'm the best at maintaining a state of half-conscious awareness which allows me to intuitively know when I need to open my eyes, stop dreaming about killing the person next to me, and get ready to bolt at the next stop. So don't completely rule out the sleepers.

Reading Passengers. If someone's stop is coming up, they will almost ALWAYS put their reading material away beforehand. Watch for movement.

Anxious Passengers. Many commuters will glance anxiously outside the subway car doors at each stop, making sure they haven't reached theirs yet. They will also glance at their watch or curse under their breath in frustration.

By Occupation. I don't want to make generalizations about all suits working in midtown, and all students going into the village, and all Asian bag ladies getting off at Canal Street. Okay, I am.

By Frequency. Get to know the people that you've seen leave seats early on previous morning commutes. That's your best bet.

The hardest time to grab a seat is rush hour times and in the middle of the subway car sections (where traffic usually gathers.) Also note that standing close to the chairs and hanging on the above bars will place you in an ideal position to grab any seats that free up along the edge of the car. If you decide to stand against the door or in between the door area, there's no way in hell you're getting to an empty seat fast enough.

And lastly, a note about manners. If you are one of the few who still have them, good for you. You will stand up for the elderly, disabled or with-child. But these are the only times when you should let your guard down and the politeness in.

The majority of the general public doesn't give a crap about your gender or physical state; they will take a seat in a heartbeat, regardless of whether you think you're entitled or that you're standing directly in front of it. Remember, kill or be killed. You will dart over the feet of others, push through the idiots who think it's okay to stand against the poles, cut in front of the asshole who tries to trick you into thinking he just needs to get to the door, or if needed, throw your bag/coat/whatever you have in your hands onto the empty seat before someone else's ass hits it first.

We all gotta survive somehow.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Cinco de Birthday: Rybotz & Nickyness

It's been a year since my last celebration with Ryan on his special joint Cinco de Maya/birthday. This year it's his 25th (quarter-life crisis time!....don't worry it only gets better from here, so I've heard.) It is also the week of my brother's birthday; he turned 20 this passed Sunday.

That's why I think it's only fitting to celebrate their many splendiferous years of living with a blog entry dedicated to two of the most important men in my life: one I know very well, and one that perhaps....I don't. You'd be surprised which one is which.

Ryan (aka Rybotz) is from Ohio, but contrary to what you might think, not nearly as boring as his birthplace. It's impossible to describe him in words. You just have to meet him to know that you're getting someone that has neon bolts of creativity bursting out of his ears. For the most part, experiencing the eclectic sounds of music fuels this phenomenon. But that's only the surface of his admiration for artful, imaginative things.

Like the rubber city of his roots, he is hard-working and reliable, but always in pursuit of a grander goal. We've been together 2 years now, and every day has been an individual struggle that we've tried to support one another through. The city has not been easy to his mid-western lifestyle: here it's fast, fleeting; blink one eye, and you miss it all. Everything in NYC is done on a larger scale; bigger/bolder/better. Luckily everything about Ryan is bigger and bolder. His excitement is catching to everyone around him, but on low days, so are feelings of anger and frustration.

Ryan left Ohio to be a part of the energy of this city, and he is surely becoming part of it. One day, he will be in sync with this flow of passion and creativity, and really show the world what fantastic possiblities lie within the infinite universe that is his mind.

And all psychological theory aside, I am grateful to be by his side on his 25th year, as he experiences the most memorable, unpredictable and thrilling moments of his life.

Happy Birthday my Rybotz. You are just as amazing as you are sweet. <3

My brother Nick (or Nicky, which is what I've always called him) has come a long way from the little bald baby that once peed on my cousin when she was changing him. It makes you feel rather old and confused when you see the same boy you used to play Micro Machines and Barbie Prom Date with (...it's true. Don't judge. Who didn't love Barbie? Even he got upset about ending up with the nerdy guy...), doing adult things: driving a car instead of pretending to blow one up.....working at Sears instead of perfecting his homemade sound effect technique.....dying his once light, wavy hair to the color aquamarine.....complaining about getting car tickets and bank statements rather than imagining that you've saved your family from a man-eating tiger while trapped in a raging fire.

Nick was always laughing; he once had a giggling fit after watching the Simpson's episode where Homer falls down a cliff for an absurdly extended period of time, yelling "Doh" at every moment of contact. He could hardly breathe, he was laughing so hard. Then he rewound the tape and watched it again.

At the age of 4, Nick would beg me to put on the Fantasia VHS and fast-forward through all the fairy stuff to get to the dinosaurs and their eventual demise to Stravinsky's "Rite of Spring." It gave me the creeps, but it never phased him. He watched Jurassic Park for the first time at age 6, while I hid in my parent's bedroom, trying to block out the sounds of velociraptors.

He could make any inanimate object explode with unidentifiable sounds. He engrossed himself in a small 1x4 Lego block for hours, making it emit spitful explosive sounds as he shook it within his hands. Who knows what kind of intergalactic war was being staged within his imaginative mind.

But most of all, Nicky was the sweetest, most gentle kid brother a girl could ask for. While other boys were tearing the heads off their sister's dolls and generally wreaking havoc, Nicky was eager to play with anyone at any time, and loved to make people laugh. His younger sisters were the rambunctious ones, and he took a lot of abuse from their rough housing and tantrums. But that was Nicky's way; he couldn't stand to see anyone upset. He just wanted to feel he belonged.

Today, Nick is in college, but still living at home. I know it must be hard still dealing with the craziness of sisters, shitty family cars and living in a town you can't seem to escape. It's enough to make anyone a little irritated. But I hope that even at 20, little Nicky is still there at heart.

Happy Birthday Nicky-ness Maximilian Eggward Whites Yolken Midori-Ximus.

Friday, April 30, 2010

FLASH_____ FRIDAY: Moving On, Perhaps?

It has been a week without a post, and in my punitive mind this is not acceptable.

But I'm going to tell the punitive part of my mind to shut the fuck up so I can focus on the things that are making me feel good instead. Take THAT punitivity! You've been punitively powned.

I was planning on writing a long post about how this apartment search was making me go bonkers, but today I finally found a place that I will hopefully be able to call home.

I'm superstitious, so I'm not going to say anything more than that until I fork over the money and finalize the deed. Until my feet are planted firmly in Greenpoint and not in the hell-hole I call home right now.

Maybe I'm exaggerating. There was a time I was hopeful about my new apartment. Kensington was everything I thought I needed: space. nature. beautiful homes. closet space. the Q train.

But you know what Kensington is to me right now?

REGGAE.

The Boom Boomboomboom Boom vibrating through the chair, straight through my seated bum, making my heart pump spasmodically to the same beat. Blood pressure rising. Urge to thrust fist through floor and grab the nearest pothead I can find and scream so loud that my spit shoots down their throat. The woman with lopsided breasts, teeth missing, her face so shockingly busted that my eyes almost bulged out of my head the first time I saw her.

Don't lecture me. I'm allowed to be mean when I spend $1200 on a place that broods such aggression. Where you reach to grab your toothbrush and a cockroach says hello. Where hot water isn't hot. Even unexplained specters, fueled by the negative energy of our heated anger, have plagued us.

I will miss the antique Victorian homes....lazy afternoon brunches at Connie's....The walks in Prospect Park. Rocky's Pizza....The reliable Chinese place that gave us an extra soda for delivery....That store called "Tis Da Season Too."...The sign over the paternity test clinic that asks "Does he really have his father's eyes?"...The way the light comes through our windows during the day....the predominantly Jewish car wash....

Dear Kensington, you are not all to blame. In the beginning...it was good. But it's time for a change. Ive found a place with friendly neighbors and a landlord that might as well be my third grandmother. Where the neighborhood has hardly changed since 1920. The streets are vibrant and cozy, sharing the bustle of the city life and the charm of a main street suburb. Polish groceries on every corner. Friends that live only a subway ride away.

There's even a dishwasher.

So, I apologize for any disappointment in this Friday's post; it's not so much of a flashback, as much as it's a flashforward. Hopefully, into a better future.

And no more fucking reggae.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Jamaican Me Crazy!

I am in the middle of a tumultuous love/hate relationship with my apartment right now. In all relationships, I suppose there are ups and downs. But I fear there is no compromise to be made on this one. The whole situation has become a prolonged agony; a torment between having to make a huge change that involves time, money and stress, or dealing with daily, nerve-wracking irritations that threaten a healthy, happy lifestyle.

Kensington ain't all its cracked up to be.....despite the obvious dinosaur.

I hate apartment hunting.

In the past six years or so, I have moved about....ehh.....I would say 10 times. This is a lot of schlepping, a lot of picking and choosing, a lot of money. And it seems that every time I move I end up spending more than I did last time.

I'm sick of it.

I thought that when I moved to Kensington, I'd be done. A place of my own....and in Brooklyn! (Elmhurst, Queens was not a happening place.) But no; yet again, there are problems...even worse than before, when it was just about space and location. Now it's a matter of sanity.

Let's review the pro's and con's of my Kensington abode....

PRO's (I'm not leaving the best for last, 'cause I'm eager to end loudly on the angry points)
  • Proximity to @ Prospect Park - it's only a couple of blocks away to trees, greenery and ducks
  • Proximity to Q Train - we all know this is the only reliable, true Express train
  • Over 700 sq. ft of room.....for all of our crap; ie, clothes, books, paperwork, somebody's eclectic record/DVD/CD collection, more clothes, more books......
  • Sunny - almost too much so, but I need my Vitamin D since I never get to see the light of day during 10+ working hours
  • Cheapo - $1200 a month is a good price these days for a place that doesn't resemble a dilapidated cardboard box
CON's
Neighborhood - though very mutli-cultural, there is not much to do for a twenty-something (who hardly gets free time in the first place). No one likes to visit "us all the way out here" (by the way: fuck you "no one"), and there are no restaurants that stay open passed 7pm....except for KFC. And we've relented on the fried chicken many times, much to the dismay of our bowels.

Landords - are useless. They smoke pot all day - which, whatever, I don't have a problem with - but if this keeps you from say, doing your job, then I would say it's a problem. Also, still waiting for him to fix the radiator which is emitting massive amounts of heat. We need to keep the window open and the fan on in the middle of winter just to breathe.

Cockroaches - they are in my sink. Their babies are under the coffee maker. They are dead in my toaster and their carcasses are hiding in my cabinets. Disembodied bug legs and antennae are causing us allergies. Cooking? What, so I can have some roach eggs in my soup? I don't think so.

We also had to chase a silverfish before it got to our bed. Do you know how fast those things are? It moves like a fucking cheetah on speed.....only with SIXTEEN LEGS. Yeah, not happy.

Mice - doesn't worry me too much. I think they are coming from the apartment below us, which leads me to my next crucial point....

Noise - this encompasses many things:
  • ...the Jamaicans below us playing shitty reggae at all hours of the day AND night, which shakes our walls and floors, and beats repetitively under our pillows
  • ...those same Jamaicans throwing things around their apartment as they SCREAM at each other at 7am. (I believe I've heard "No man can stand you!" and "Don't you touch him, he's only 8!", at which point I almost called child services.)
  • ...one of their kids actually threatened to kill me while Ryan was home, then proceeded to taunt him through the floor by yelling, banging and BARKING as if in a drug-induced craze.
  • ...and finally, the people next door to us playing shitty Gospel music, blaring through our kitchen, thus entrapping us within a bubble of bass-blasting misery.
*DISCLAIMER: the only reason I am calling them Jamaicans is a.) I don't know their surnames, and nothing else with which to identify them, and b.) they are, in fact, Jamaican. So, no I am not racist; I don't care who the hell they are, I just want them to shut the fuck up.

I just want a place that I can come home to after a long day of feeling completely exhausted, angered by commuters and frustrated with society, to just REST. Without having to whip out the Raid.....reel in agony over the digestive effects of take-out.....or stomp angrily on the floor whilst my entire body succumbs to the vibrations of the same goddamn notes of bongo drums EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!

I just want a place to call home.

As you might have already realized, I'm a little worked up about this issue. Finding a place has become both my dream and my secret hell, as all my sanity seems to both depend and hang on its balance.

So I ask, have you any advice?
Any leads? Any neighborhoods that I should grace with my unkosher presence?
(There's also a poll to the right if you want something short and sweet.)

Friday, March 19, 2010

This Is Not About the MTA, Is It....?

I have anger issues.

I realized this over the previous weekend after bitching out an MTA employee. Usually, I would maintain the belief that anyone who works for the MTA deserves this, as they seem to care nothing about anyone, and generally have no soul (except of course those guys who announce the stops like they're the radio jockey for Lite FM. Those guys got soul.)

But granted, they do work long hours and get screwed by the system (let us not forget the recent strike.) And this isn't my first time bitching someone out. Since I've started living in New York and grown some balls after a highly awkward childhood, I've had many a hot-headed encounter with persons of authority.

First there was the small incident of being reprimanded for unpacking my NYU dorm boxes from our family truck on move-in day. The police officer (or "traffic cop," which though sightly less intimidating is probably the most accurate) sternly instructed me to move our vehicle from the side of Water Street, as it was against standing room policy. I, dripping with sweat and already freaking out over carrying six large bins of crap up to the 15th floor (while mom complained about ridiculous amount of said crap) promptly began to yell my exasperated rant on the corner for all to hear:

"DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CAN MOVE THE CAR NOW??! NO ONE IS HELPING US, NYU COULD GIVE A CRAP ABOUT TRYING TO MAKE THIS EASIER AND THEY TOLD US TO PARK HERE. YOU CAN'T YELL AT ME! IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM TAKE IT UP WITH THE DAMN SCHOOL!"

Needless to say, mom was quite startled that I had the gall to back-talk a police officer. He did leave us alone......but that's probably because he thought I was crazy.

The next time I flew off the handle, was in Ohio. Ryan and I had rented a car to drive back to NY with all his stuff (why do I always seem to be in the process of moving! No wonder I'm so stressed...) Everything was all reserved a month in advance and I was feeling dandy as we approached the Avis counter at the airport....until he informed me that my credit card was invalid.
Me: Why is it invalid?
Indifferent Employee: Because it's a debit card.
Me: Yes, but it's also a credit card.
Indifferent Employee: The system won't read it as such.
Me: Why didn't they tell me when I was GIVING MY CARD INFO OVER THE PHONE A MONTH AGO??!!!
Indifferent Employee: I don't know.
Me: I NEED THIS CAR TODAY! I have no other way of getting back to NY! How can I pay for it?! I can give you CASH-
Indifferent Employee: We don't take cash, only credit cards.
Me (to Ryan): Maybe we can use your mom's card for now....
Indifferent Employee: But she would have to be the one to drive the car if it's in her name.
Me: WHaaaAAAA???!!!^%(^&#*^)#$*@($)!#(!!!????
Cue ballistics.

In a slew of tears, swear words and most likely some crazy spastics, I chewed the indifference right out of that mofo. That's when he called airport security. Ryan, meanwhile, hid behind the counter and tried to forget he ever knew me.

You can call it rebellion, or PMS, or even temporary insanity. I call it lack-of-patience-cause-I-live-in-freaking-NYC. And yes, perhaps, I have a bit of a problem with managing my anger.

Can you really blame me though? After years of being so eager to please, the exemplary student that was just scraping by, I wanna get mad. If you push me, I'm gonna push back.

But I think that sometimes, things can get out of hand. And it's gotten to the point that my fuse goes off without me even thinking about, or realizing that I'm acting out of raw, raging emotion. My bout with the MTA is an example of that.

It was the night of the torrential downpour. It was 2am. We were tired and waterlogged. Luckily, we caught a Q and were making our way back to our lovely Kensington cockroach-infested abode. The Q stops at Atlantic/Pacific to this announcement:

"Due to a downed tree on the Q line, all service is suspended until further notice."

That's it? No other alternatives? No "sorry we're leaving you in the cold and rain tonight to fend for yourselves"? No sympathy for those who cannot afford a cab?

I was fuming.

After exiting the train, I marched right up to the MTA man in his reflective vest, a train attendant standing nonchalantly behind him in her sunglasses (?), and commanded him to tell me how the hell I was supposed to get back home if there were no freaking trains running to where I needed to go.

He looked at me with no emotion whatsoever and shook his head. "I don't know."

Damn I wish I could use the phrase "I don't know" for every single answer to god-knows-what!
"Do you know how to do your job?"
"I don't know."
"Well gee, sir, I'm sorry to trouble you with such a silly question; as if you'd know, wearing that shitty MTA yellow vest and everything."

If people don't think I know, they'll leave me alone! I bet this is what this guy was thinking. I wasn't settling for that.

"Where are you going?" he finally asked, once I wouldn't shut up. A crowd had formed around me: I was speaking for the masses!

"I need to get to Church Ave, the Q stop. To Kensington"
"You can take the IRT line."
"That WHAT? What are we in the fucking '80s? What the fuck are you talking about."
"The 1, 2, 3 line, number lines. Take it to Brooklyn College."
"Are you on crack???! That is nowhere near where I just told you I'm going!"
The woman behind him just stared on. I couldn't tell if she was just enjoying the show, or if she was in fact dead inside.

I stormed off, cursing and thanking him for being such an asshole. Ryan stared at me as if I had unleashed my inner She-Hulk. I had actually convinced myself that my confrontation was nothing more than an exasperated plead for advice. But, according to Ryan, it was more like raging-bitchtastic-spit-flying-tirade.

After sharing a cab ride home with a very nervous Jewish waiter/ex-personal trainer (which happened to calm me down a bit - I was upstaged by neuroticism) it finally hit me. I was uncalled for. I was out of control. I was angry. And it made me feel so awful inside, that I could turn into such a monster of a person. But I don't think it had anything to do with the MTA....but perhaps it did have to do with Authority.


So, wherever you are, sleepy-looking MTA employee. I hope that you can forgive me for my harsh behavior. Please don't throw yourself in front of a train: I'm sure you were just over-worked and pissed off by New Yorkers, like you are every day. Just like me.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Damn You, Leap Year!

It came to my attention Sunday morning (or rather, that afternoon, as I woke up at 12pm), that it was already March. When the fuck did that happen??

I shouldn't really complain, since just last week I was convinced that the next month was actually April. Time goes fast enough these days that I don't really notice when months come and go...even when they're not going anywhere. Life is like one long, grueling day, lucid dreams mostly bridging the gap between days to make it seem like I've never really fallen asleep at all. I honestly can't tell the difference between what happens in reality, and what I imagine in my subconscious.

Anywho, my point being, the past couple of weeks have gone by in a blur and I should probably recap them for my own sake lest they disappear from my memory forever (Hel-lo senility at 24!)

I also like lists and making extra blog posts, as opposed to including them all in one hit. It makes it seem like there is less to read, so readers can't complain about being bored.

Valentine's Day Weekend
This was Rybotz and I's 2nd year together. We decided to celebrate my giving eachother the gift of a sexy virus. I managed to get away with only two days of relative misery, but I was a much better giver. He was incapacitated whole weekend by a general mess of mucus induced coughing. Though it did give him an attractively deep Barry-White-esque baritone, this was usually accompanied by excessive hacking and the question, "Why does my life have to suck so much?" My gift was apparently not appreciated.

So, most of the weekend was spent sleeping profusely (which I am not opposed to), making trips to the pharmacy, and frantically trying to find food as we were too tired/lazy to cook. (Granted, our kitchen is covered in cockroach carcasses - not too appetizing.) At the checkout counter, the pharmacist rung up my Valentine's stash: Robitussin, Gatorade,Vick's Vapo-Rub, antibiotics, box of tissues and 24pk of Trojan Magnums. As I asked her if pseudophedrine would work on my boyfriend's mucus-filled lungs, I realized that I should have added "This is not what it looks like."

All that aside, Rybotz and I did become closer in our mutual sickness. And we did manage to have our moments. He braved cigarette smoke and factory mildew at Death by Audio so that we could see Class Actress live. They were awesome, the decor was sweet, and so was Rybotz. I could see the twinkle in his eyes as he leaned into me with the music. And then blew his nose.


Stay tuned for more posts that are a bit belated.

Monday, September 21, 2009

RE: NYC + History Lesson = Island Fever!

Yes, after an unbelievably long post, there is more yet!

As you might have already noticed (if you've been paying attention), friendly reader Dick Lutz, editor and publisher of The Main Street WIRE, left a comment on my previous post regarding Roosevelt Island this past Sunday.

Apparently, there is indeed a tour for the Renwick Ruins, which you can schedule by calling 212-826-9056. Mr. Lutz invited me to check out the WIRE, which is the island's community newspaper, for updates on events and even an historical timeline! (Which has, by the way, some of the most amazing photos of the ruins itself, and all the historical fodder a fanatic loves to feast upon.)

Thanks to Mr. Lutz and the WIRE for my next great NYC adventure!

Speaking of adventures, I also visited Governor's Island this passed Sunday on a whim, and found myself in the middle of two festivals. Instead of my plan of leisurely exploring the island's abandoned nooks and crannies on my own, Ryan and I were exploring a mess of commandeered admiral's quarters crawling with yuppies and arty Dutch people.

One the one hand, it was amazing to get to see the interiors of these aged homes in all their peeling, crumbling, vintage-kitchen, sunbathed-window-paned glory. There was practically a fireplace in every room, and beautiful built in shelves and bookcases. They were like life-size dollhouses, with so many rooms to explore and hidden alcoves to peak our curiosity.

However, this was only a pleasant discovery when these valued pieces of history weren't being commandeered by self-important Dutch crazies, who went so far as to tape up the walls with multicolored tape and scraps of paper, scatter mounds of dirt and feathers on the hardwood floors, and basically turn the entire house into a Jodorowski film without recognition of its own ridiculous cliched decadence. It was as if every modern artist on the planet had vomited their psychedelic, Bohemian nightmares into every room.

I know what you're thinking.....I just don't get it! I don't appreciate what it means! Well, if you can tell me what a conglomeration of giant yarn in the middle of the floor truly signifies, then by all means, please enlighten me. Anybody that can justify the purpose of constructing a tassel manipulated by an expensive motorized robot to recreate a live human tickle session would earn my respect.

All things considered, I did find some of these exhibits interesting....some of them perhaps even meant something. Most of the gems were found in the Governor's Art Fair, which was held in a large abandoned apartment complex on the shore. While some lacked any inspirational or thought value, there were others that were amazing due to sheer atmospheric value. For instance:
  • A bare room: in the center, a lone upholstered chair sitting on a rumpled rug, facing a vintage television, flickering with images of an 8mm film.
  • Droning music filling a white and red stripe curtained off room, which creates an eerie pink glow; crumples of white paper are scattered around a small Japanese nurse who is leaning over the severed styrofoam head of a deer, its gelatinous pink tongue hanging out. She is hot gluing beads on its surface, and asks quietly if I would like to feed her from the baby milk bottle beside her. (Needless to say, I did. She was fasting.....who could say no?)
We then made our way to the free mini golf, which consisted of many handmade contraptions of pipes, wood and netting, reminiscent of the good ol' puts of yesteryear. Despite the fact that many were in disrepair due to the constant influx of destructive children, it still brought back those giddy thrills.

Nora wanted us to visit "The Dig," an excavation site that supposedly held the remnants of another abanadoned town from the 1950s. I'm always up for hidden history, so we paid the $5, donned a hard hat and orange vest, and ventured out into the sand filled wasteland. However, what struck us as odd was that all the "artifacts" had an odd manufactured look to them....

Once we reached the "water tower/pump" we realized that this not historical at all, but a hoax. A very, intitially convincing art installation hoax. This was more obvious when the young Dutch man working the grounds began to explain the story of the bird plague and snowglobe factory. While sitting in a wooden tower, set up inside to look like a more complicated version of mouse trap, he instructed us to push the disc below the floor with our feet to get the gears moving. "The ball is coming," he warned, and we, giggling at the bizarreness of the whole situation, cocked our eyes to hear its metal clink circling around the tin can.

The day ended at 6pm in the center of the admiral's row, where the New Island festival was still in full swing. There was an annoying chef duo making noise on their pot-and-pan instruments, beer flowing from every tap, lots of delicious looking food (which we now, thanks to the hoax, had no money to spend on), and a cow walking the grounds. We decided our fill of hijinks had been had for the day.

In Manhattan, a city of islands, there is never a dull moment.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

My Historical NYC Obsessions

I'll be the first to admit that I am a very strange girl, mostly due to my odd fetishes and obsessions with certain items and subjects. I have always been very serious about the things I am curious about; most of them to seem to have a theme.

I have a strong connection to history: events, people and places from the past. I love learning about those times and trying to recreate those moments in the present using the sensory experience of visiting these places, viewing artifacts, and forming a picture in my mind with the support of imagined atmospheres. Just as Paul Zucker states in Fascination of Decay (1968), ruins can be "...an expression of an eerie romantic mood ... a palpable documentation of a period in the past..."

When I traveled to Europe for the first time, it was the pinnacle of excitement for me to finally visit all these ancient places I'd learned about in school, but never had the chance to fully experience. Now that I am back in NY, I realize I can still have that same euphoria here. Though much younger, the city still has a past and history unlike any other place in the world. It still has the ability to surprise and entice me, even after all the years of being so very close to it. There is so much I don't know, and I'm eager to keep discovering more.

Governor's Island
It was really love at first sight. Much of this had to do with the fact that upon my first visit via ferry, I was greeted by ghostly 20s microphone sounds amidst of sea of bustling flappers. However, the island itself has much more to explore, most of which I haven't even ventured upon quite yet (that will be a September 27th endeavor, when the Jazz Age Lawn Party is revived for the 2nd time this year!)

Apparently, there's a free mini golf course, a beach, a HUGE picnic area where concerts are sometimes held, bike rentals and, last but not least, the abandoned buildings of Coast Guard families, and a history dating back to the Revolutionary War.

Meant as a fort to protect NYC during the war against the British (it didn't work very well, unfortunately), and the site of a major sea battle during the Civil War involving America's 1st submarine ships, there is definitely a palpable sense of historical mystery here. (I unfortunately missed the last Civil war re-enactment day - blast!) Last time I went, I managed to find time to wander around its cylindrical old prison, where creepy, decrepit rooms lay behind dirty glass panes. It was tempting to trespass, to find out what might lurk within those crumbling walls.

The homes of the high ranking officials are still intact, but also (unfortunately) closed off. All the more enticing for my hunger for the past! While most of the rooms look pretty bare, who knows what one could find! The last inhabitants were there in the 80s, but the eeriness is still there. The most intimidating of all the buildings would be the hospital, which already yields such morbid curiosity...

Curiouser and Curiouser Reference Sites

Roosevelt [Blackwell's] Island
I've been there about three times, and each time my admiration for Roosevelt Island grows. The third was via the Sky Tram, which suspended us high over the East River and Queensboro Bridge, where the view of the island is most spectacular and the weightlessness scarily exhilarating.

The Northern half of the island is like the perfect residential suburb: a main street with quaint mom-and-pop stores, modern apartment complexes with frosted windows and tiny astro-turf yards closed off by cherrywood fences, and a community garden with neatly tended squares of herbs and swing seats. There is a tiny, old church, circa 1800s, in the center of the complexes which lies untouched amongst its sleek surroundings.

After retreating into a moment of rekindled childhood on a small playground and swing set, we sat down for some food at the Riverwalk Bar & Grill, where we were waited on by our oddly Southern-accented waitress, who constantly apologized for having not stopped by to chat 'cause it was "so darn busy!" Nevertheless, my puled pork sandwich was more than satisfactory, and for awhile it seemed I was back in a nicer part of New Jersey.

All along the edge of the island is a cement path with greenery and trees that overlooks either the east side of Manhattan or the odd industrial banks of Queens. At dusk, the skyline looks like a matte painting lit from behind, sitting oddly at the very level of the river water, while streetlights reflect on the water lapping against the coastal rocks. My desire to live there was so strong, I thought my heart would burst out my chest, it was so perfect!

But as with most seemingly perfect places, there was something off about the entire island, which made it all the more alluring to me. Besides a newly built hospital (for amputees, no less), the Southern end of the island was completely gated off. A "No Trespassing" sign was waiting for us when we made our way down; but I knew from previous research that the journey didn't really end there.


If you happen to drive along the east side of the FDR, it is very apparent that a monumentally large and striking building lies there, always illuminated by upward shining spotlights, which only add to its menacing appearance. This is the site of the late 1800s smallpox hospital; in fact the only one of its kind in New York City at the time. Abandoned in the 1950s, it is mostly in ruins, almost collapsing in 2007, which ultimately lead to its closing off from the public view. However, despite it's condition, the "Renwick Ruin" has been saved by the city and rendered an Historical Landmark for its unique Gothic revival style architecture. As the their website states, "it is a romantic and picturesque ruin, evoking memories of the past."

I must admit I am quite bewitched by this place, despite the fact that I have never been within 20 feet of it or seen it up close. I can only imagine what it must feel like to walk the grounds around that ghostly place and breathe in the odors of the same aging walls of its long forgotten patients.

Also important to note is the little-known fact that Roosevelt Island was also the site of the New York Lunatic Asylum. Nelly Bly and Charles Dickens both visited here in the late 1800s and reported on its harsh and inadequate conditions. Since then, the area has been turned into an apartment complex, but rumors of possible hauntings have been reported. A prison was also on the island at one point as well, holding such famous guests as Mae West, Billy Holliday, and Boss Tweed.

The island itself was the setting for the 2005 horror/thriller movie, Dark Water, with Jennifer Connelly:
Screenwriter Rafael Yglesias said about the island’s ghostly aura: “Someone once said to me that when you’re driving on East River Drive in the rain and the fog and you look over at Roosevelt Island, it almost looks as though it’s a way station between this world and the next.” (NY Times, 2007)
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Brooklyn Heights: 3 Pierrepont Place
I confess, I don't know much about this area, but upon a recent excursion to the Brooklyn Book Fest, I was pleasantly surprised by this area's charm. The architecture of the apartment buildings and store front (which are not merely store fronts for the likes of New York's many common banks - they are in fact beautifully ornate facades of a greater, younger city) are quite breathtaking. They are in no way decrepit, and the quiet residents seem very respectful of the historical opulence in which they live.

Ryan and I dined in a small burger place that had a unique quaintness about it. It was far from being "yuppie," but admittedly Brooklyn Heights has an air of snobbery about it that would most likely become distressingly annoying to live within if one was not of the money-possessing type (ie, me.) It struck me as quite similar to Red Bank, NJ, as it has that same Main Street flavor. HOWEVER, everyone seems mostly down-to-earth and friendly, and the neighborhood itself is proud in a sophisticated way. You won't cower from condescension, as you feel almost as if you're on vacation in a picturesque town: you are taken by its easygoing nature, the kind neighbors and the elaborate atmosphere, and while you enjoy yourself and breathe in all that is has to offer, you ultimately realize you would never be able to live in such a paradise.

That being said, while walking towards the Montague Promendade that overlooks the southern tip of Manhattan and NY Harbor, I saw the apartment of my dreams (there are a growing list of these...) The building at 3 Pierrepont Place is actually a mansion, though I didn't know it at the time. I tend to assume that any house or apartment I see could possibly be within my price range/grasp if only one day I could scrape up enough to live there; but inevitably, these places usually turn out to be historical landmarks in which very prominent people once lived, and that cost more 100 years ago than I could afford even now. Still one can dream....

I immediately looked this sucker up the next day, hoping to dig up some clues as to who it belonged to (and how I could get my hands, or at least eyes on it), so hungry I was to know every detail about it. Also, was it haunted? It certainly looked that way, as it was dark and towering, and had small ornate little windows the evoked the same mood as Suspiria.

It was constructed in 1857 and is described as one "of the largest surviving Italiante style mansions in New York City." It was built for wealthy tea merchant A. A. Low, to watch his China Clippers as they worked in the South Street docks below. There is a beautiful gated garden behind that overlooks the view of the NYC skyline, but as far as who lays claim to it now, I've not a clue....

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    Housing Works Used Book Cafe
    "Why, this is not an historic place!", you may exclaim. Well, not really, no, but it certainly has many books of historical value, and an interior reminiscent of an old, dusty library (ala Disney's Beauty and the Beast), with beautiful winding stairs and faded bookcases.

    As you may not already know, but you should, about me, I love old books. Not only am I enamored by the romance of writing itself, but also the texture of delicate, yellowed pages and the crisp way in which they turn; the stale and old odors of those same aging pages and the crumbling leather binding. If I could turn this into a perfume, I would, and call it "Eau de Livre."

    Housing Works offers quality used books (donated by friendly neighbors) for very friendly prices. The $1 book shelves are my first stop, and I usually find something odd or interesting amidst the usual cookbooks and obscure theater volumes. One great find (on my 1st visit, no less) was a original facsimile manuscript of Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking Glass. It was written entirely in his handwriting and also included a real photo of the actual Alice, for which the story was written.

    Most recently, Ryan found Volume 6 of Akira (now out of print, and $60), for only $15, and I, a publishing of a wealthy uncle's letters to his nephew in late 1800s NY, complete with his original sketches of a then Manhattan countryside.

    Curiouser and Curiouser Reference Sites

      Coney Island
      It still haunts me to this day, even though most of it has been overrun by modern installations and carnies; to think that this place was once the biggest resort on the east coast. People from all over would flock to its shores for a glimpse of Luna Park and its sparklingly-lit splendor in the night sky, or for the many oddities of Dreamland.



      Most of what I knew about Coney Island came from my grandma, as she and her family used to visit the public pools and beaches back in the 20s and 30s. Steeplechase was the place to be, and when I visited one day with my aunt and uncle, I stood in front of its original location. All that was left was the renowned parachute drop (which can be seen from NJ), a rusty and decrepit metal skeleton of a roller coaster, and yards of long, blowing weeds. It was the eeriest feeling I'd ever had - a ghostly memory of laughter through the ocean breeze - but instantly I knew I would never forget it.


      A few years ago, I got my hands on a Ric Burns documentary about the island, and my curiosity was rekindled. I had never known that the other two parks had even existed, and I was awed by the antiquated photos and footage they had found. At Dreamland, there were rides like "The Last Day of Pompeii," which recreated its destruction.


      Both parks suffered fires, once in 1911 and again in 1944. I could go on forever about how wonderful these parks were, and what amazing sights they had (Disney ain't got nothin' on them). But see below for a great site with even greater photos, which does the job for me.

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        Prospect Park
        Another memory inherited fro my grandmother, this used to be the stomping grounds of the Varone family back in the 20s and 30 when all 5 children were living in Park Slope. They played baseball in the parade grounds, and listened to live music at the bandstand (which still stands, actually) on Tuesdays.

        Now that I live close by, I can visit the park a lot, and I never cease to be amazed at its size and tranquility. The grounds are green and airy; one can hardly tell it's in the middle of Brooklyn. There are also other perks:
        • Prospect Park Zoo
        • Litchfield Villa, mansion in the romantic Italian style (circa 1857)
        • Audobon Center, resembling a Southern-style home on the bayou
        • Lefferts farmhouse, which has been preserved from its early 1700-1800 roots
        • Botanical Gardens, home of the Sakura Blossom Festival every spring
        • Brooklyn Museum, which has the largest and most robust Egyptian collection in the country
        Besides the historical value of the locations above, there are also remnants of the park's past scattered throughout; some stone fences and cornices still remain, and help retain its stately, Victorian style. Walking through, you sometimes feel as if you can hark back to a time when gentleman and ladies strolled the dirt paths with parasols and canes.

        Curiouser and Curiouser Reference Sites

          NYU Bobst Library
          Let me make perfectly clear that I HATE this building. However, I find it fit to include on my list of obsessions, as the anger and annoyance it induces in me is also somewhat of an obsession itself. As an NYU student, I had to visit here quite often. I absolutely love libraries, but this place rubs me the wrong way. To me, it is an absolute waste of architecture and space, an eye-sore, and a most depressing place for the joy of reading . It is 12 stories of fluorescent gloom, and the scene of 2 NYU students' deaths, after plummeting from the now-closed off balconies. Since most of my visits here consisted of research for papers, exam crunching and writer's block, I'm sure it only added to my glum outlook on Bobst.

          It did serve as the subject of one paper for our writing class in Freshman year. Though our theme was an art piece that particularly "moved" us, I chose the library as one that moved me to hatred. (I believe I described its outward appearance to be like that of a "wet cardboard box.") Further research on the library led me to discover that in order to make room for its construction, an entire row of 1800s row houses overlooking the park had been torn down, one of which had once housed such literary greats as Edgar Allen Poe.

          How ironic.
          ..instead of bounding eagerly through comforting walls, my stride halted at the sight of a despondent and muted hollow space. I stood gaping upwards in bewilderment at a vast atrium that climbed twelve long levels towards a distant ceiling, the constant sounds of elevator dings, fingers typing, the rustling of winter coats and taps of heels on tile floor, all echoing silently into an empty void. (March 2005)
          It was also the setting for my first (and I think best) 16mm short film, about a young girl (my sister) who gets lost in the creepy stairways. That same day, my mother and other sister nearly avoided being killed by a car that had lost control and crashed straight into Washington Square Park. Coincidence? I think not.

          You can view the film, in all its B&W glory, here.

          Curiouser and Curiouser Reference Sites
             
            Museum of Natural History
            I remember visiting for the first time when I was young, at the grand opening of the new dinosaur wing. It was 80 degrees out, the AC was broken, and it was so crowded you could hardly move. But I had never seen so many huge dino bones in my life. And after the craze of "Jurassic Park," it was every child's dream. Even today, it hasn't lost it's touch; although recently we've discovered that not only was dinosaur extinction proven to be the aftermath of a giant meteor, but as Sam Neil himself predicted, they are in fact the ancestors of birds (as made evident by my last visit, in which the velociraptor displays had inherited feather. Yes, feathers. Fashionable indeed.)

            Victorian Homes: Kensington/Flatbush/Ditmas Park
            When I first moved into Kensington, I walked along Beverly Road and was in awe of what I found: a tiny neighborhood of absolutely gorgeous Victorian homes. And, per my obsession with lovely homes, I proceeded to research them to fuel my hopes of having my own. Though my dreams were dashed after learning of their million dollar value, I still have a great love for their architecture, and the quiet beauty of its hidden and adorable grounds. What makes them so beautiful are the sweeping porches, round towers, columns and timbers, and stained glass windows. They are like fairytale homes from another time and far away place.


            I still have much to explore, including Mary Pickford's japanese tudor, and the rumored home of Vincent Price nearby. Most of them were constructed in 1920, which only adds to my curiosity of who lived in them, and if they might still be around....

            Curiouser and Curiouser Reference Sites

              Monday, July 13, 2009

              The Low Points of the High Line

              I know I'm going to get a lot of crap for this (as if anyone actually reads my blog), but the High Line is probably the biggest tourist trap I have ever seen. I can't knock it too much, since it is free. However, I don't think it's a coincidence that it's located at the center of the meatpacking district - home to some of the priciest and most commercial brands in yuppie Manhattan. Also, it's sponsored by Target - who also gives us Free 1st Saturdays at many museums. But what with their branded hats and t-shirt wearing minions directing traffic to the park, and the pamphlets crying out their alleged use of rainforest wood, one has to wonder about their true intentions...

              And yes, there was traffic. Like, Disneyworld-cue-lines-in-the-hot-sun-traffic. Just for a chance to ascend the old elevated freight train platform for a 15 min stroll from 12th to 20th. Because when I go to parks, waiting on long lines amidst a crowd of Manhattan-ites yapping about their latest fashion purchases and brunch dates, and gasping profoundly at the decidedly "modern" artistic design of ugly, minimalistic Ikea-like wood paneling is exactly the kind of natural escape from daily life I need. Here are just some of the highlights, categorized by Pros & Cons, of the new High Line Park:**

              ~ PROS ~


              The Dreamland band. Look familiar?

              Balloons, fashioned into deep sea creatures.
              Some with nice legs. (They were dancing, by the way. Just imagine seeing this from afar, and tell me what you would think.)

              These guys.

              Free lemonade!

              I thought the most interesting was the scenery OUTSIDE of the park; the juxtaposition of old, decrepit New York and it's antiquated brick buildings, with the new, sleek, ultra-modern glass paneled metropolis (which, in my opinion, is infinitely boring and a mar on the entire classic skyline.) There were a few interesting ones, a mix of the two worlds, but I can definitely say that old New York had much more character.

              You can't convince me that these buildings are NOT made of legos.
              Straight out of middle-aged Europe, this is one of the most beautiful pieces of architecture I have laid eyes on. Wikipedia describes it as "The General Theological Seminary of the Episcopal Church and its college-like close, sometimes called "Chelsea Square", a city block of tree-shaded lawns between 9th and 10th Avenues and between West 20th and West 21st Streets. The campus is ringed by more than a dozen brick and brownstone buildings in Gothic Revival style."
              And it shall be mine. One day.


              Probably the only time worth visiting the High Line - at night.

              ~ CONS ~


              Oh my, what beautiful.........weeds.
              (Ryan didn't see how this was any different from Ohio, where railroad tracks, weeds, and others signs of deteriorated industry overgrown by vegetation are quite common. It seems most New Yorkers, however, have no sense of anything outside their perfect, metropolitan world, and thus, totally bought this rusty little piece of forgotten history as "a work of art." Go figure.)

              Wow, I'm really glad we have such a great view from up here - of Armani ads.
              (Cause I really need to see the grabbing of a crotch up close.)

              Yuppies.
              If alcohol weren't banned in public parks, you know they'd be drinking cosmopolitans.

              Just some of the overheard sophisticated topics of interest:
              - Shoes
              - Wimbledon, and how many tickets one could score
              - the Silver Ghost car, and how it is "obviously the most beautiful car ever"
              - Antioxidant Gummy Bears (they're, like, SOO good!)
              Look, I don't want to be a Scrooge here; anything that brings family and friends together, from all cultures and religions, to share in a relaxing day side-by-side with something close to a celebration of art and nature, is all good in my book. Perhaps I'm just being a whiny, middle class, ex-NYU student who's lifestyle isn't quite as metropolitan as most native New Yorkers'. Or maybe, just maybe, I'd like to see a little bit of integrity in this city for once. We're not stupid, after all.....or are we?

              The best moment of the day is a short conversation we had with a little old woman. "It's amazing to see what's happened to this neighborhood over the years. I think it look much better in the old days."

              I hear ya, sister.


              Go here for some photos of the High Line the way it used to be....and as it should be.

              **Alas, I was too underwhelmed to take my own pictures. (In the future, I should learn to use the energy of my angry aversion to events like these to fuel my desire to document such experiences. Much like I have in words.) The photos shows are from the Flickr account of "Friends of the High Line," a group I am obviously not a part of.
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