Well, This Is Awkward

You know that embarrassing feeling you get when you bump into someone that you've been purposely avoiding for a long time? There is that shocking "oh-crap" moment that passes across your face like a shadow, which you struggle to conceal before the other realizes your horror. But they don't need to see your face to know that this is not easy for either of you. You choke back a nervous laugh and paste a smile on....a really big, painful smile. Your body wants to run, but you can't. You're stuck. So your feet do a sort of twiddle dance impatiently as your mind tries to keep up with your mouth, which seems to be spewing utter nonsense. You expound upon the weather...who the eff cares about the weather? God I sound so stupid.

What do you do with your hands? I don't what you do with your hands. Most likely they hang, as dumbfounded as you. Every move betrays you, communicates the discomfort, the shame, the need to be elsewhere. You think of far away places, dark places, underneath covers and behind closed doors. Any place else than where you are at right now. To be rid of the shame.

This is pretty much what writing in this blog feels like right now.
I've tried to avoid you, but I can't. It was bound to happen that I would step right into the universe's trap of facing this fear, of facing you.

You're a clever one, blog. Always the clever one.

Let's hope this is enough to break the ice, so we won't have to speak of this moment ever again.
At least until the next time I avoid you.

Sooo how about them clouds?

Dammit.

Tara Aspires to Pterodactyl Status, Via Words

Have you heard of 750 words?

Well you should have - and if you haven't before, then you have now.

I first learned about this site from Ryan at Cyan Years. It was Christmas Eve, and I was feeling a little fret-lagged (the term I use for making the anxiety ridden shift from bustling New York to quietly boring New Jersey.)

I took a peek at this new writing tool - which was a sort of private daily blog that keeps track of your words each day and interprets their meaning in a page of statistics, designed to be an eyeball into your subconscious.  Like the "morning papers" that the author suggests a writer should always keep in The Artist's Way, a book I had read coincidentally not too long ago. In fact it was these same papers that I had tried to force myself to do...to no avail. There was really only one disciplinarian in that equation, and that was me. And I sucked at it.

I didn't think that 750 words would be any better. At an average of 3 pages (for those big-handwriting folks) daily, I figured I would last a day or two. Maybe a half a day - I get lazy. If I had been trying to write for this long, even with a number of blogs already under my belt, how the hell would I be able to keep THIS going without losing enthusiasm (and steam) after the novelty wore off?

Well hell, I thought, why not? I had nothing better to do than sit trapped in a house during the great blizzard of 2010.

Long story short, I wrote about 7 days straight. Granted, it was during the holidays, and I was literally stuck in the house with snow drifts of up to 5 feet outside my door. But there were many other useless things I could have done with my time - and instead, I allowed myself to squeeze in about an hour or two of thoughtful reflection before I busied myself with something consisting of less neural activity.

I've since been on-and-off on my usage - what with work, sleeping and procrastination. But sooner or later, I'll log on, start typing about how I don't have anything to write about, and before you know it, I'll have surpassed 750 words.

Oh, it's absolute drivel; but my mind is suddenly clearer, my shoulders lighter, and my fingers satisfied with their efficiency. More than often, it's the only way I can get through all the muck of criticism and anxiety to find what's really going on inside my little inner-me.

I'm not really that into fads, diets or yoga, or any other sort of obsessive trend that some bloggers may enthusiastically rave about. I also think it's really effing annoying. But I have to admit, 750 words has done me a world of good, both as a writer and a person. Sure, I can write in my blog till the cows come home, but the truth is, I'm always going to have an audience in mind. This site allows me to write as if it were a journal, where I don't need to be conscious of who else is reading.

So why is it actually better than your basic, run-of-the-mill journal?
I admit, I do miss writing like in olden days. However, here's what I don't miss:

• Obsessing over my handwriting
• Hand cramps
  Having my innermost thoughts lying around for sneaky people to read
• Wasting trees

Here are the reasons why 750 words (or any other live diary, for that matter) beats pen and paper:

• It's smart; all of your words are counted each day and tallied altogether, so you can keep track of your progress. It also lists statistics based on what your focuses are, which can help to see what's driving you subconsciously day-to-day.
• Like Jesus, it saves. Every day. And you can go back to re-read things without having to navigate through hastily written handwriting.
• You can copy and paste anything that's good enough to show elsewhere.
• You get gentle reminders to write every day, and little incentives to keep you going. Like a penguin badge. Penguins make everyone want to work harder. (Personally I aspire to the Phoenix, Pterodactyl and Monocled Owl.)
• If you forget to write one day, no one stabs you in the face.

And there you have it. I have successfully plugged 750words.com. But don't try it for me - I bet you'll be hooked from the moment you start.

And that's when I'll get my check.

This Week On the Brain: Writing

Sometimes, I like to be lazy and post other people's writings for you to read, instead of my own.

This is one of those times.

When I'm not compulsively checking Gmail and Facebook those every 5 minute moments of the day that I'm not running around work like a lizard with it's tail cut off, I'm on Google Reader trying to find material that I relate to my life; ie. stuff that reminds me of myself. (It's quite selfish I know, but don't we all just want to be understood?)

On what sort of "stuff" you ask? On film, on writing, on music, on art, on humor, on zorts, on life. And don't worry; I do it all with proper attribution (and genuine adoration.) Give these sources some love!....so it doesn't look like a complete cheat; aheh.

So if you're really that into what I'm into (creeper), please enjoy the fruits of my lethargy!

THIS WEEK ON THE BRAIN: Writing

(Said in 1930's Newsreel voice)

"Stephen King on Writing," from Matriarchal Script Paradigm
Inspiration for all [blocked] writers everywhere. Who enjoys reading about writing, while not actually writing?.....that would be me.

"Her Idea" by Rilla Alexander, from Journey Round My Skull
Making psychological creative crises cute and colorful.

"The Problems You Are Facing In Your Creative Work," from Kid In the Front Row
A little side helping of Chicken Soup for the worthless-feeling-creative-Soul.

"Thoughts on Hybridity," from hamgirl
Proof that being reflexive is sexy. And totally fine. IT'S TOTALLY FINE, DAMMIT!!!! ::pants::

"How to Write a Great Script," from ScriptShadow
"Yeah, yeah, yeah" is what you'll think. But "Ohhh yeah" is how you'll feel after reading these inspiring pointers. Go get 'em tiger!

"Behold, the Blank Page," from Drawn

Click to enlarge.

And since everyone loves a meme (look at me, pimping this word - I didn't even know what the hell it meant till, like, yesterday), here's one I stole borrowed from My Inflammatory Writ, called "Writer's Envy," which consists of listing all the famous writers that one is jealous of. Perfect fit for this entry, wouldn't you say?

(Check out Writ's picks here.)

Novel you wish you'd written: Oh lord, for reals? Do you have a couple of years? I guess if you forced me at gunpoint and/or promised me a cookie, I could settle on A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, by Dave Eggers. A genius it was, Eggy. You fucker.

TV you wish you could have been/could be a staff writer on: "The Simpsons," "Arrested Development" (I'm so original!)

Blog you wish you'd started: Forgotten Bookmarks. I loot antique books for worthless old artifacts in my spare time already!

Play you wish you'd written: I'm going to pretend I overlooked this, and that I'm slightly uncultured. 

Poem you wish you'd written: "Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take the Garbage Out" (Silverstein) & "The Raven" (Poe). I wanted to be eclectic.

Screenplay you wish you'd written: (You asked for it) Amelie, You Can Count On Me, Beetlejuice, The Princess Bride, Let the Right One In,  Mixtape, Adaptation...

Song you wish you'd written: "Rapture" by Blondie. Find this song for an amazing trip and lyrics you will want to memorize immediately.

Blogger with skillz (or readership, for that matter) you wish you could steal: Hahaha, oh that's easy. How about EVERYONE ELSE.
Okay, I sort of kid. "Hyperbole & A Half" is top on my list.

Hey kids! Steal the "Writer's Envy" meme for yourself and unabashedly unleash your inner jealousy unto the internet!
In other words, I'd like to know.

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Back, with a Vengeance‽

I sit here on my couch this Sunday evening in a strange, dreamlike stupor, trying to salvage the day after a waking hour of 3pm, sipping groggily on flat Wild Cherry Pepsi. I believe it is time.

I'm finally going to say it, even though I hear my inner critic already chastising me for defying the unwritten "Blogger Code of Ethics." It cries, "No one wants to hear your sap story! Save it for your diary, Wendy whiner."

 To this I say "Fuck you," evil ego, and watch as it slinks away spinelessly into the dark recesses of my mind. It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to, which includes admitting certain truths that I've been neglecting to face.

"It took awhile for me to allow myself to start writing again, because I was afraid."

There, I said it. And so far nothing has exploded or ended in an engulfment of flames. So I guess I'm safe........for now. I apologize if this doesn't seem a sufficiently exciting beginning to a blog entry - in time you will realize that the most recent turn of events have a somewhat cartoonish quality that will test your belief. In short, I can't make this shit up.

For those of you who need a visual aid in order to understand, this is a pretty accurate representation of what I've been dealing with over the past two months:

It is due to this rather unlucky and preposterous chain of events that I have made a few changes in the Unkosher world. However, only as far as my blog is concerned. What used to be "Goy Vey," a title which heralded my Woody Allen-esque views of life in lieu of my very non-Jewish heritage (clever as it was), has now been replaced with something less offensive, less religiously charged, and a lot more arrogant.

"Interrobang" is a word I always thought to be interesting. I remember it popping up in my Google web clips and thinking it was some nerd's idea of an apocalyptic grammar explosion. In a way, I guess it sort of is. The definition, as you can see on the sidebar to the right (for those of you who are too lazy for Dictionary.com) defines "Interrobang" as the combination of both question mark and exclamation point, used to express incredulity and disbelief......loudly.

This little punctuation mark, my friends, is the definition of my life.

To find out why, I invite you to continue reading, as more [incredulous] truths are revealed.

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Technical Difficulties

After several attempts at writing today, Tara has continued to hit a brick wall. This, as you may imagine, has proved less than helpful, as brick walls to the head are quite traumatic.

Our apologies for the lull. Hopefully, after a good night's sleep and a slap in the face, the unkosher girl will be back in all her whining glory.