Moses Supposes

Someone asked me if I was Jewish on the subway today.

This could only have been due to the following:
a.) She was reading a Hebrew book, and thought I was reading along intently as I was forced to  strap-hang like a vulture over her seat.
b.) She's lonely and wants a Jew-friend, or is a bit odd and wants to spread the Jew-word
c.) She thinks I look Jewish.

I will have to assume here that c.) is the most probable here, since I have much experience in being perceived as a Jewish-looking gal. This is the entire basis for my documentary; for the theme of this blog even. I think I can tell when someone is intermittently looking up from their beloved book of Hebrew-isms to get a glimpse of my face, which, with my glasses on usually looks something like this:

Minus the 'stache. Even though I am Italian, my hair is concentrated on areas other than my face. Unfortunately, the Italian nose remained.

I hate to say it (and I'm including myself in this horrible stereotype here, even though I am a goy), but if you've got a big nose...maybe a little bump on the bridge....a hook or a bend...people automatically assume you're of Jewish decent.

I have proof:

In my doc, I asked about 10 strangers to tell me why they thought I was Jewish. About half of them pointed to my nose, regardless of common courtesy. I didn't ask them to judge based on my appearance....and none of them stopped to ask if I even was Jewish to begin with, or why I was asking them a question that couldn't possibly be answered based on a purely superficial conjecture.

I don't get it; no other ethnicity or religious group seems to be so publicly inquisitive. It's not like someone would come up to you and ask, "Hey, you Hispanic? You're not by chance a Muslim, are you? Let me ask you something, are you black?"

And what do you say to a Jew who asks essentially asks, "Are you just like me"?

"Sorry."
"No, but I could be!"
"Yeah...funny thing about that.." Then run.
Punch them in the yarmulke.
"I actually believe in Jesus....er, at least, I used to...I mean....shit."

From now on, I'm just gonna point to the shnoz.

Head in the Clouds

I feel as if I could fall asleep anywhere right now. So i apologize, if by chance that occurs anytime during this entry.

It's a rainy day, and the darkness isn't helping my sleepiness. Maybe it was that burger I ate too. With all those fries. And the lack of water. And the impending events of the day/night.

Lauren Fender's birthday is today. So I will be partying at the open bar. Then retiring to someone's place (I don't know where yet), only to wake up early to go back to Staten Island, then leave again.

I will be PA on one of our biography interview shoots. That's where the JLo obsession comes in. I'm associate producer for her A&E Biography, for my internship at Triple Threat Television. So, for an hour tomorrow, I will be Perez Hilton's make-up artist. Surreal.

I'm very excited and wondering what I should wear. And hoping I won't be as tired tomorrow as I am now.

I've finished all my work for today and trying to make myself productive, which is why I thought iI'd blog today....and pretend I was doing something.

Nothing particuarly Jewish to report. Except the usual ramblings and worryings. You know the drill.

Now I must go cash my checks. Like a good little Jew would.

Mazel-Blog!

Welcome to the Confessions of a Goy!

In lieu of the new documentary, "UNKOSHER," being accepted into the First Glance Film Festival in Philadelphia, I've decided to update people on my daily life as a non-jewess, hoping to get y'all to come by and sneak a peek at my autobiographical (and yes, arguably, selfish) documentary on how I'm not Jewish.

Don't worry, I promise you it's a much more complicated plot then that.

But you'll see! and for now I'll be updating the page with photos and maybe some other things (as long as long as I don't get sidetracked by my current obsession with JLo and flaming lawnmowers.....I'll explain later...) in the near future.

So, keep checking back, and show your support, 'cause god knows this gentile needs it.

Self-deprecation. It's another one of those qualities that makes me feel so akin to Woody Allen....