Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Well, This Is Awkward

You know that embarrassing feeling you get when you bump into someone that you've been purposely avoiding for a long time? There is that shocking "oh-crap" moment that passes across your face like a shadow, which you struggle to conceal before the other realizes your horror. But they don't need to see your face to know that this is not easy for either of you. You choke back a nervous laugh and paste a smile on....a really big, painful smile. Your body wants to run, but you can't. You're stuck. So your feet do a sort of twiddle dance impatiently as your mind tries to keep up with your mouth, which seems to be spewing utter nonsense. You expound upon the weather...who the eff cares about the weather? God I sound so stupid.

What do you do with your hands? I don't what you do with your hands. Most likely they hang, as dumbfounded as you. Every move betrays you, communicates the discomfort, the shame, the need to be elsewhere. You think of far away places, dark places, underneath covers and behind closed doors. Any place else than where you are at right now. To be rid of the shame.

This is pretty much what writing in this blog feels like right now.
I've tried to avoid you, but I can't. It was bound to happen that I would step right into the universe's trap of facing this fear, of facing you.

You're a clever one, blog. Always the clever one.

Let's hope this is enough to break the ice, so we won't have to speak of this moment ever again.
At least until the next time I avoid you.

Sooo how about them clouds?

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